What We're Getting Wrong in Communication
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What would leadership look like (and sound like) so that people with ADHD and/or autism didn't have to spend extra energy "translating" how they think and speak?
This was the topic of the panel I participated in yesterday at Coach Lee Hopkins Social Connections Summit.
And, unless you really feel this deeply, you have no idea how exhausting this is. As neurotypical communicators, we're missing out on a lot because we're uncomfortable with different communication styles.
When ADHD Brains Are "Rambling"
Here's something I've learned about myself and my clients: When someone with ADHD seems to be rambling in a meeting, those busy, fast-moving brains are often connecting dots in ways most people can't see. They're not unfocused. They're actually incredibly focused on patterns and connections that aren't visible to the rest of us.
But while you may be sitting there thinking they're all over the place, you're missing an opportunity to tap into that.
Here's an idea for leaders: Pause and say something like: "I can see you're thinking through something. I'm not totally with you yet, and in the interest of this meeting, we need to move on, but I'm going to make a note to follow up with you and get more clarity on your thoughts."
And then... do that. Follow up.
Also, while their ADHD brains are busy connecting those thoughts, they might be missing details being discussed in real-time. You can support this by taking visible notes – on screen or in a shared document. Pause occasionally to emphasize important points, summarize at the end, and send those notes in a follow-up email.
Many of us will have more thoughts or questions long after the meeting has ended. (Not just ADHDers.) Those notes become a source anyone can refer back to.
Then we talked about feedback for autistic employees.
This is where it gets a little more challenging for most people.
When autistic employees get vague feedback, it creates confusion because they value clarity, specific steps, and actionable instructions.
Those of us who are not autistic, have this cultural reaction to direct communication. It feels almost abrasive to us.
Pause on that for a second.
When someone communicates more directly than we're used to, we often feel a little shocked, challenged, or even defensive. We need to check in with ourselves and ask: Is this person really challenging me, or are they just communicating in a way that's more direct than I'm comfortable with?
And then comes the hard part – practicing being more direct ourselves in how we communicate. We prefer to speak in softer, more indirect ways, kind of "reading between the lines." We say things like "I need you to step up in this area" or "people are feeling judged by you."
But what does that actually mean?
Try asking yourself: What am I actually seeing, and how can it be done differently? Then explain that very clearly. Now you have something concrete that can actually be helpful.
Speaking this way feels confrontational to many of us. Practice. Start small and practice.
Let's shift our thinking
Maybe the question isn't how neurodivergent people can better fit into our communication norms... maybe it's how we can adapt our communication style in ways that actually work for them.
What steps can you take?
How might you practice being more direct in your feedback? What would it look like to follow up on those rambling moments instead of just letting them pass by?
Huge gratitude to Coach Lee Hopkins for creating space where these important conversations can happen.
Want to learn more about my work?
Website: https://neuroautonomy.com/
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Neurodiversity Unboxed: Insights and Strategies for Inclusive Workplaces
